Monday, October 10, 2016

Recognizing An Abusive Relationship


Once upon a time my “repertoire” of writing included far more than beauty and lifestyle. At one time I had national columns that covered gender parity, human trafficking, relationships … too many topics to remember and all eventually becoming too emotionally taxing to cover on a daily basis. So like all semi-sane people with a desire for self-preservation, I walked away and dove into what made me happy … The Makeup Examiner. Covering beauty, fashion and home décor allowed me to place the underbelly of humanity at the back of my mind. Rest assured that the ugliness never stays away. Over the weekend, I was reminded (on several fronts) that it is necessary to open up the dialogue … no matter how much I desire to remain silent because after all is said and done there are some things that I can’t un-know.

What you are going to read is not salacious; it’s simply the best advice that I can offer from my experience. October is National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month and with this in mind, I thought it a good idea to address this topic. To be very clear, Domestic Violence doesn’t just happen to women! Admitting that you’re in an abusive relationship may be extremely difficult but if you’re reading this you may already suspect that you’re in one. Recognizing the characteristics of an abusive relationship is a good starting point towards moving your way out of one. Several consistent characteristics of an abusive relationship are extreme jealousy, verbal abuse, physical threats, violence, lies, and coercive behavior. Abuse does not have to be physical. Emotional and psychological abuse is just as damaging and often difficult to recognize. Emotional and psychological abuse causes long-term self-esteem issues. Abuse of this type typically alternates like a roller coaster with hurtful word and actions followed by affirmations of love and statements from the abuser that they will change.

You may be in an abusive relationship if he or she:
  • Is jealous or possessive toward you.
  • Accuses you of being unfaithful or flirting.
  • Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.
  • Attempts to isolate you by discouraging your relationships with friends and family.
  • Destroys or takes your personal property or sentimental items.
  • Is violent towards you.
  • Forces you to have sex against your will, or demands sexual acts you are uncomfortable with.
  • Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state.
  • Blames you for their abusive behaviors.
  • Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well-being.
  • You frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.
  • Constantly criticizes or belittles you and humiliates you in front of others.
  • Constantly keeps track of your time.
  • Controls all finances and forces you to account for what you spend.

Have no doubt that an abusive relationship will get worse. Emotional and psychological abuse often moves to physical abuse. Abusers are very needy and controlling, therefore the abuse will escalate if the abuser feels that they may lose their partner. This consistent escalation of abuse does indeed make it difficult to leave an abusive relationship but NOT impossible.

It is critical to remember that no one deserves to be abused. The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who chooses to hurt you. If you see yourself or someone that you care about anywhere in these words, please seek help. Contact the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 or click HERE to go directly to their website. For help outside of the United States, please visit RAINN and Hot Peach Pages.

Be Kind To One Another  ~Yvonne



No comments:

Post a Comment